Correcting Blind Spots
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What does it mean to love fully?
Loving fully may begin by acknowledging and correcting blind spots.
basecamp story
To love your children in the way they deserve, parents must become aware of their blind spots.
As a youth leader working with a group of 50 youth in a mid-week youth club, William started the meeting with a lesson and an illustration. This particular lesson involved kids coming to the front and taking a drink of different juice options. William had gone to the store earlier that day and walked to the drinks isle. He saw what looked like juices and picked several juice power drinks. Now in front of the group with a half-dozen drinks, he asked for volunteers to come up and taste them. As the kids took their places, one said that the energy drinks were ones with alcohol in them. William was shocked. How could this be? William had not realized that a “cranberry drink” had, in its small print, a percentage of alcohol. He was about to give kids alcoholic drinks.
When parents give their children care,
because of blind spots, it is easy to include things that should not be there.
Some Anger and resentment. Some addictions. Some disengagement. A little bit of anxiety and fear. Just enough of a bad substance can ruin the batch of love we provide. This is why…
- Our Highest Education parenting goal is to experience and give complete, genuine love.
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Our Highest Education goal is to experience and give complete, genuine love.
We can give our kids all kinds of good things. More gifts. More space. More trips. More money. More friendship. All of these can be wonderful. But what kids really need is complete, genuine love.
This...
We can’t give what we don’t have.
Notice how this t-shirt describes these good things. “More sleep. More music. More tea. More sunsets. More long walks. More laughter. More hugs. More dreaming. More road trips. More fun. More love.”
Is the last one–more love–a worthy life goal for every parent? Of course!
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We can’t give what we don’t have.
The truth is, humans can’t experience total and complete love–A giving and receiving that is not corrupted by self-interest to some degree. This is why our Highest Education is to experience the fullness of love, starting by becoming aware of our blind spots.
NOTICING BLIND SPOTS
Everyone has blind spots.
Everyone has blind spots. Everyone has levels of imperfect love. Surely, we love our children with all of our hearts. However, because of our blind spots, we do not realize how our areas of need can hurt our children. How do these blind spots happen?
Highest Love
★★★★★ Rated 5 out of 5
There is a “norm” or a standard of behavior for humans in every area of life.
- In morality
- In communication
- In obedience
- In humility
- Etc, etc!
Lowered Love
★★★★★ Rated 1 out of 5
When a parent was a child, the parent failed in something significant. For example, the parent was never present. The child’s parent had role modeled a lowered norm of love.
A Desire for Love
★★★★★ Rated 2.5 out of 5
As the child became an adult, he (or she) committed to be a good parent. He had turned away from his parent’s bad parenting example. He looked back to how his childhood home had been and was encouraged by this improvement.
Blindspots
The blind spot was not visible because the father’s focus was on what he had experienced rather than on what he should be.
Due to our blindspots and brokenness, it is impossible to love perfectly. But to not improve or grow our inner love capacity would be a disservice to yourself and to your children. That is why you are here now and engaged in your Highest Education. As John Henry Newman said, “Growth is the only evidence of life.”
You are at the center of the horizontal line.
The horizontal plane represents the people you relate to.
In this horizontal plane, you care for yourself as you care for others.
The question is, “What is good for me?” And, “What is best for others?”
This may seem revolutionary in our secular society because seems to allude that, “your power is within you; everything you need is within you.” Unfortunately, this is not possible when the highest values are not necessarily innate within us.
- Like electric current that powers your device. Without it you are out of power.
- Or the constitution that guides the nation’s laws. Without it the people devolve into anarchy.
- Or the sun that heats up the earth. Without it there is a loss of life.
What external source is helping you become aware of and correct blind spots?
Just like kids need a source outside of themselves to guide them–their parent–parents need a source outside of themselves to guide them.
We are glad you are part of this journey!